Places to see
#7 - Dubai, the United Arab Emirates
1. Burj Al Arab, a 5 star luxury hotel (It’s frequently described as the world’s only 7 star hotel, but it’s a lie…)
2. Burj Khalifa, the tallest man-made structure in the world at 829.8 metres (that’s almost one kilometre!! It takes 36 workers about three to four months to clean all the windows)
3. Dubai Miracle Garden, the world’s largest flower garden (they sure like being the biggest. Also, this garden is located in the not-yet-complete “Dubailand” - a gigantic entertainment complex, which is supposed to also hold a Six Flags and a Legoland!)
4. Dubai Dolphinarium (dolphins everywhere!! :D)
5. Underwater hotel
I have almost never felt summoned by any living person or inanimate thing to be a part of them or their partaking. It must really be a luxury. I look at many happy people and wonder how they manage it. Or I hear songs in restaurants or other public places about how happy the world is or how wonderful everything that exists is and I wonder how that is. Happiness must be earned or derived. I think it’s possible to have any feeling in the world as long as you want that feeling or know how that feeling works. I have never known how happiness works; I have only attempted happiness and I suck at it. As long as I can prove to myself that it is a real attribute/enjoyment, I could be happy. But I have no inner way of proving that, nor do I necessarily need to seek evidence for such an idea. The idea of living like schmucks like in Goodfellas who work shitty jobs for a living and live a normal, expected life is not even an idea anymore. It’s become so regular that people accept it. I don’t exactly want to accept that I’ll become nobody, but I don’t want to be who other people think I am. What I say and do doesn’t describe me a bit. My mind and my routines are two different “routes”.
I could tell a girl that her life is failure or punch a kid in the stomache and call him a loser if it fulfills the moment. But life seems to only be a streak of moments and the mind is lessened/darkened in display. Why the fuck is this?
Why the fuck do my actions contradict how I feel and care for humans? My love and hope for peoples best interests and accomplishments/achievements is beyond comprehension. I don’t even care if people take advantage of me, as long as they know they are doing it and can help me think I’m a part of their life, even if it’s as minor as a movie role for a debut actor in an independent film, and that can be pretty goddamn minor.
But the real question behind my entry is definitely and only “What is happiness?” That is a personal question and only I can solve it. Not that it needs solving or whatever. I lived as a depressant off medication for years, took medication, and still was wondering the same question after I realized that drugging myself wasn’t helping a damn thing.
I don’t know. Maybe I need someone to care. Maybe I just need someone to pretend to care, and not even care. I haven’t felt important, and I set myself up to be frowned upon. I can and can’t be helped.
But then again I can’t force a single thing on this planet to love me. And that’s fine.
If only it were possible to see my life as if more than a dozen people put their self into a situation that they seem to act like they love me or care about how I feel about things. I try my damnedest to make everyone I associate with feel the best possible way about what is currently going on. It’s really easy to love people, even the people who are superior to you, the people who draft their daily schedule with worldly things galore, or even the people that find the little things in life most intriguing. The best part of knowing you are lonely is that you don’t expect socially active people to want to know you, and too many people don’t know me. It’s wonderful sometimes and then sometimes I wish I were off of this planet for a while to drench my mind into all of the possibilities I could fulfill for myself. The last thing I want to do is put people in a position where they want to think I’m trying to persuade them that my life is better than theirs. I have nothing in my life worth rubbing in peoples faces, which is why I want to know how people work and how people’s opinions sound. Maybe high school is the perfect getaway from my degrading home life, or maybe it is the undertaker of my heart that helps me find whats worth loving and whats worth caring about. If someone doesn’t feel up to par everyday, or is just not in a perfect mood, I can understand a situation where they wouldn’t want me to overreact, but I want to show as much empathy as the time I spend alone permits me to display. I am ready to leave high school and see who still sees me as someone who will succeed and make a nice young man out of myself. I perceive that as a blessing from nature or a blessing from reality, but I’ll be damned if I meet someone who understands and deciphers my whole point of view and is okay with it. Nobody needs to know why I feel the way I do, and I prefer if nobody did, but it’s great to know people have the trait in their heart that helps them display prying. People are really the greatest thing in the world when they are not acting too much or proving too much. People who go with the flow and don’t take everything up for grabs and relax are the best kind of people, and that is coming from someone who has wiped the word “friends” completely out of his own mental dictionary. I really am starting to lose it. I only hope I will have time to see where I am missing something vital to my mind and essential to my lifestyle. Hm.